Until you ask...

One of the most frustrating things I do to myself is start projects and not finish them. Or start too many projects at one time- more than I can cope with. It's usually a sign that I am stressed and want to change things. I try to put limits on myself- must toss projects that don't fit, or haven't been touched in a year. I try to use it as a signpost- I am unusually stressed, seeing as how I've cast on 4 hats today. Maybe I should make some tea and take a bath. But what I don't do often enough, is recognize the positive aspects of my coping mechanisms.

I am a starter. Finishing things can be a grueling exercise in motivation and self-control. But starting things, I am awesome at starting things. Which means that when I need help, I just ask. When I want to change things, clean things, toss things out, I just do it. No hoarding things for an uncertain future project. No whining about magic elves not living in my dishwasher. I just start to do things and if the task is short enough, it gets done or shifts to the next step without too much effort.

I don't worry much what people will think of me. Like everybody else, I take effort to get to know. If you're not interested in putting that sort of effort into getting to know me, well then, your consequence is that you don't get to know all the awesome benefits of being my friend. If that doesn't matter to you, why do I care about your opinion of me? Who am I to force you to change your mind? So I just go about being me, mistakes and all, and sometimes it works and I follow through and lots of times it doesn't work. But I have other projects to fall back on if this hat is not working out in this yarn. I have options. As much as I'd like to do things differently, I have to recognize my strengths and weaknesses in order to find ways of working with what I've got.

I'm very worried about having enough money to pay the rent. That's going to be the single biggest expense of running a theater space and I am very scared of that magnitude of financial risk and responsibility. So I have started to ask around, find people who might want to share the space with me. I can't use it every 24/7. My theater company itself, starting with 4 shows/ year is only going to need a full theater space from 6-11pm, Thursday-Saturday (plus 11-4 Sundays) three weeks a month or four months a year. That's a lot of dead time. And I had everything up and running, I would teach workshops, produce more shows, and fill the space with so much theater your head would spin. Instead, I can share the space with so much awesomeness. So I've started talking, and asking for help, and offering a space I don't have yet. Because it is better to start things I might not finish than to worry about things I haven't even started and let that worry immobilize me.