Building Relationships

I like people. Which is good, because I need other people in order to do theater, an unsolitary task if there ever was one. You could make a convincing case that no task is truly solitary (eg. authors draw on previous authors, ideas, and history even if they write alone in a locked tower) but theater is a special kind of group project. Therefore, I need to work with others, which requires relationship building and maintenance. For a minute, let me digress. Building is easy- meeting people, sharing enthusiasm about a project, getting buy-in in the moment. Relationship building is the best. Relationship maintenance is hard. It requires time, communication and work. It is difficult to understand people who are different, and everyone is different to some degree. The less similar, the greater degree of effort required to communicate. So I try to build on commonality.

Yesterday I went to see Chamber Music in Olympia. I'm not a huge fan of absurdist theater, but many in the cast were my friends and I wanted to watch them and support their work. So that's relationship building done right- supporting the people I care about in a way that matters to them. Yesterday, I also got my first unsubscribe from my mailing list. Someone sent me a letter a few months ago, after the November readings, wanting to help out as an actor. The best thing to do would have been write a quick thank you. But I had nothing for him to help with and I was dismayed at the slow progress of finding a space and tired of slogging through the winter with little progress. So I handed the letter off, knowing it wouldn't get dealt with. I can make excuses, but I missed a chance to build a relationship with someone who was interested in my project. Now he's unsubscribed from my e-mail list, so I may never get to know him. Who knows how that would have worked out.

Relationship maintenance is harder. People say it requires work, but I've found that work is mostly self reflection and exercising patience and responsibility. My efforts always seem greater because I am the one making them. I know how much time and attention I put into a task. Nobody else will experience that task in the same way. I always thought I did more housework than my college roommate. It was an easy assumption- she was stuck in a wheelchair and I was not. I knew I did dishes, moved furniture, cleaned the bathroom. Then one day, she pointed out that her aides swept the floors several times a week. I had never once swept a floor while we lived together. Further, her aides also did dishes, cleaned the bathroom, etc. She cut my self-entitlement down to size and I will always be grateful. Because people always think their efforts are more/better; it's a side effect of having only one perspective to draw from. I try and remember when I am doing housework that I have never had to mow the grass in the four years I've lived with my partner. People fall short of my expectations, myself most of all, because the expectations are unreasonable, not the people.