Anti-racism

This post is further proof that what you think will stick with you is usually different than what does. I attended the UWT TAC Talks last Thursday. I had to. I had to show my research as part of my capstone class. A student who is not in my program gave a talk on racism on campus. To paraphrase what I remember of her research- something like 91% of white students don't see or experience racism on campus, compared to over 60% of minority students who do. That's a huge discrepancy. Pointing out once again that it's hard to see things you don't experience and change behaviors you aren't aware of. This ties in, in the convolutions of my brain, to my experience this weekend. My show opened, and my audience was white. Around 25 people each night (two nights) and I was feeling proud. I had an audience. They liked the excellent theater we'd created. Happy! But- why was it the same demographic that all the other theaters get? What am I doing wrong?

I strongly believe that theater is not just for rich white people. I have removed the cost barrier of entry. Tickets to this show were free, and future shows will be suggested donation of $10. So now what? How do I make theater that is not just for white people, when white people are the only audience I have showing up?

It's difficult for me to talk about racism. As a white lady, I don't experience racism personally (from the receiving end) and I always wonder if I'm going to put my foot in my mouth, say something offensive, or even just have an offensive attitude. Oh hello, minority person, please educate me in the ways of not being an asshole. Like it's your job to let me other you for my "Learning Experience." But there is discrepancy over the experience of racism. Maybe white people don't understand when they are doing racist shit? How is that possible?

I guess I can relate a little via sexism. Men who catcall me, probably know they are being sexist. (though one time a man did say, "I'm not sexist, I have a wife!" after I told him to fuck off for hollering "nice ass!") Men who just ask me to smile, or stare at my boobs, or talk to my husband when I'm the one buying.... I usually don't bother to say "Look, you sexist POS." It's exhausting. It isn't my job. And it probably won't change anything anyway. So I let it slide, and they think it's cool, that they are fine feminist men.

I want to reach out without condescending. I want to invite people without being all desperate. I want to educate without pandering. People are smart. They are smart enough to fill in the blanks and follow my pared down version of Life in the Theater. I hate shows that assume I'm stupid. Stories aren't some hallowed, rarefied thing only tellable after years of training. Stories shape how we perceive our lives, how we share them with others, who we are.

You do have to start where you're at. I would like to not be an asshole. I think it's a journey that other people can relate to. Maybe I can just make myself explicit, instead of implicit. Hello, everybody. I am Christina, and I'm going to open a theater. Join me in trying not to be an asshole. Now what?