School- Rant.

Warning: may contain adversarial language.

I'm feeling frustrated with school right now. I'm not even sure I should complain about it here, because I gave this link to all of my teachers. Ah well. They're grownups, they can take it.

I joined the master's program at the UW Tacoma three years ago, and proceeded through one class a quarter. I accumulated debt and knowledge in seemingly equal amounts. I went through a few thesis changes, and eventually decided to open my theater. I also went through a crisis of help. The program is so open ended, that it can be difficult to find people to help while you choose your own adventure. After a year or so, a teacher introduced me to a prospective adviser- one of the art teachers on campus. We met for coffee, she thought my project was worthwhile (at the time, helping a local theater raise money and awareness for a production of Laramie Project), and agreed to be my adviser. You need one of those to graduate. Then....crickets. Months passed. She no longer answered my emails. Six months after we met, I sent a "so, are you still interested in being my adviser, like you said?" e-mail. Nothing. Screw her, I thought and set about finding someone else. So I could graduate.

Now I found someone else. Someone who is supposed to be guiding my 5 credit independent study this quarter. Someone who doesn't seem to read what I send and can't be bothered to respond to my e-mails. For two weeks, I have sent loads of data via e-mail, drafts of things I signed up to write this quarter. No critique, no suggestions, no acknowledgement that the documents even got opened. How am I supposed to write a second draft? After the last one, he asked if I could meet on Friday. I said sure, but I work in the morning, and am only free in the afternoon. It is Friday now. I assume we aren't meeting. And you know what, I am tired of this non-response. It isn't just my advisors. I am frustrated with the lack of response from Spaceworks- the granting agency that's supposed to be finding me a space to perform, since I finished their business program. I am frustrated with volunteers who won't get back to me, even to say hey, I'm too busy right now. I'm frustrated with people who take responsibility, so I don't have to do goddamn everything and then they abandon this responsibility without so much as a hey, sorry.

I can't run a theater on my own. I don't even act. I won't run a theater on my own. That's the antithesis of community building. I have alone hobbies. Why am I getting a stupid master's degree anyway? In interdisciplinary studies? It's not like that's going to get me a high paying job. It's not like I even want a high paying job. See, non-profit theater company, running my own. And I get that volunteers are valuable, but I am tired of being lied to. Maybe you mean it in the moment, but if you don't follow through with your actions, they render your promises bankrupt. And oh, I can't bring it up because I have to play nice with everyone because where will I get all of my money. And arrgh. If you want to help, then help. I understand busy. I understand confused. But stop hindering my progress. The quarter is almost over. Am I on track to pass this class? I have no idea. Will I have 20 papers to write in the last week? It's looking that way. Do I even give a shit about graduating? Not right now I don't. Maybe I'll just do my capstone in Spring and not get a degree. Or not. I could just work on the theater apart from school. It's not like they are busy helping me out, why should they get credit for my awesome project. Well, eternal library access would be nice....

So with all this ennui floating around, I haven't gotten much studying done. I don't care. Everything else seems like a more valuable use of my time. Someone will appreciate that quilt. Those slippers will keep me warm. Watching Buffy with the husband is a bonding experience that reinforces our relationship. Working gets me rent money. Cleaning my house prevents sneezing. Everything, everything is more worthwhile than pursuing a degree that no one else cares about. I have other walls to throw myself against, thanks.